Looking for an LGBTQIA+ Psychologist or Counsellor in Melbourne?

During our first phone consult, I often hear from clients that they found their previous counsellors too passive or didn’t offer advice. For counselling to be meaningful for the client, the therapist must provide enough support and challenge. And yes, that means sometimes your psychologist or counsellor will offer advice.

From the therapist's perspective, there is a balance to be struck between giving advice and supporting a client's conclusions based on tuning into their feelings and, therefore, wants and needs. Too much advice can lead to dependence on the therapist, and too little can feel like the therapist is not invested and leave the clients coming away from the session without something tangible.

Melbourne is home to a lot of fantastic LGBTQIA+ psychologists and counsellors who offer mental health support for their clients using a variety of tools and techniques. The title your therapist uses comes down to their formal education and training. Pschologists will hold qualifications specifically in pscyhology and may specialise in particular areas that they have undertaken focussed studies in. Counsellors can hold qualifications in a number of different areas and choose to further their education in key subjects depending on their interests and the needs of their clients.

I hold a Bachelors degree in Social Work and also have a Certificate in Developmental Psychiatry as well asa an Advanced Diploma in Gestalt Psychotherapy. I have also completed levels 1 and 2 of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) training, an emerging technique many clients find helpful in sessions.

When the therapeutic rapport develops quickly, you will know if a therapist is right for you. You will have confidence that their approach is helping with the problems you bring to sessions. You will feel that, for the most part, you and your pscyhologist or counsellor are on the right page. A therapist that is right for you will seek your feedback about what’s working and ask how they can better help you. You leave most sessions feeling clear about the value of the session, and you would readily recommend their services to a friend.

When a therapist is not working for you, it can feel like you're at cross purposes, like you're not quite getting what you need, but you can’t quickly put your finger on it. Perhaps in most sessions, they use a particular approach that doesn’t feel right for you, or you end up discussing topics that don’t align with your goals.

This is where clear goals and a review of outcomes are essential. Outcomes refer to whether your mental health is improving, your closest relationships are strengthening, and things are better in your external circumstances (like your work and friends).

Does your therapist have a way of reviewing the goals and whether these are being met? Do they ask you what is not working in session, and can they adjust their approach? Perhaps a good measuring stick here is whether you would refer your closest loved ones to this person. If not, why not?

There can be many reasons why your therapist does not say anything in sessions. But regardless, it can feel disorienting and isolating for clients. Generally, your therapist may be quiet because they want to open space for you to connect with your deeper feelings.

How you speak with a therapist differs from how you speak with your friends; it's more contemplative, intentional, and usually less conversational. For a therapist, chatting can sometimes feel like noise that certain clients use to avoid deeper feelings that may be scary for them to go close to.

If this is coming up frequently in session, I suggest asking your therapist why they are being quiet. You could even ask them to provide you with a rationale around how their silence is likely to help you. I encourage you to journal about what the silence facilitates for you. Does it help? If not, can the therapist adjust their approach? If not, maybe this therapist's approach isn’t right for you.

While some men find it easier to talk with male counsellors, this varies greatly from person to person. Some gay men want to talk to a gay male therapist because they want to feel safe to speak about their sex lives without fear of judgment. Not having to explain certain terms, places and dynamics in the gay male community can help you speak openly and get to the topics that most matter to you. Being guided by your own feelings regarding your preferences is important here. What works for one person won’t for the next.

EMDR is a memory-processing therapy that helps you process painful memories that are still causing you distress in the present. Following processing, you retain the memories, but with greatly reduced pain and distress associated with them.

IFS is a therapeutic approach that helps individuals understand and heal parts of themselves that they are having difficulty with. An angry part, for example, may be protecting a younger part of us that feels intensely vulnerable and holds memories of trauma from the past. The aim of IFS therapy is to guide you towards greater psychological understanding, wholeness and peace.

By developing a healthy relationship with parts of the self, we can begin to respond rather than react from these parts and tune into our deeper needs.